Afghan Rumblings, from near the Front, 6 May ‘10
Hello from Patrol Base Shahzad, Nad e Ali, I thought
I would write an attachment this time, rather than
chucking out a quick e-mail.
Thankyou to all of those who have made the effort to
communicate with me and special thanks for those
who have sent a box of goodies here. There are
guys here who don’t get anything and so we share
out/swop stuff around, you’ll be surprised how much
pleasure people get out a packet of biscuits, or a
magazine.
It’s a bit strange in a way, being so far from home,
but able to chat via the internet and the speed of the
e-bluey system has improved as we have a printing
machine here now. Today I was inundated with e-
blueys, from Bev, Muttley, Owens & Ann. Even just a
few lines once in a while are brilliant to receive. We
are bit restricted with online time each day and it gets
shut down a lot, so it’s not always easy to get online
and sort out my Hattrick online football team, sorry, e-
mail people.
Well I’m all settled in now; I have my very own corner
of a room, only 6 of us in it (the room, not the corner),
as 4 moved out, (along with the smell of socks),
I have a camp bed in a mozzie tent with my rifle,
several hundred rounds of ammo and a couple of
hand grenades, surprisingly everyone seems to get
on with each other! Being with the Lancs, I have to
work at the language barrier, especially the scousers,
who seem to speak at a million miles an hour. (Harry
Enfield - calm down).
Bev asked what my typical day is like:-
Up by 0730hrs, wash & shave, we have a wash tent
with tables (and flies, both sorts, dead & alive),
washing up plastic bowls and “puffing billies” which is
a dustbin full of water with a kerosene heater in it. We
did have mirrors, until they got nicked! (I did mention
we have scousers). We then have a work parade to
tidy up the base, followed by the OC’s morning brief. I
then spend most of the morning at my shared desk in
the Ops Room with the Company Sgt Major, doing
various admin stuff, I also get to sort the incoming
mail, which tends to be about 20 sacks (this is why
we have Chinooks, to carry the mail) once or twice a
week on the main deliveries and with smaller
deliveries at other times. We have over 200 based
here or in the local check points around. 1200 -
1400hrs two of us share a guard duty (stag) on the
roof sanger, we normally do an hour each, but
sometimes we do both hours. I have made myself the
Guard Commander, as I got fed up with doing 3
hours anight from 2 till 5. Being the administrator, I
now administrate the guard duties! I am then back in
the Ops room for the rest of the day, finish time can
be any time between 1700 & 2000hrs depending on
what’s going on. We then have OC’s “O” Group
meeting at 2000hrs, which can last an hour or so.
Once that’s done and depending on if I have received
any more tasks to do that evening, I can get a shower
and make dinner. Normally it’s a boil in the bag ration
pack or something similar from home. If I finish early,
we can do a proper self cook evening dinner, we
have a 4 burner gas cooker out front to fight over
(and no knuckle hair on my right hand from lighting
it). We don’t have a proper kitchen or cooks here, but
I have had a stab at attempting a few different
dinners, based on stuff I do at home. Chips are
always very popular; we buy spuds from the “Terps”
(interpreters). The OC has now put me down to go on
a one day “hobby chefs” course at FOB Shawqat on
the 18th; he said my sausages/mash in onion gravy
was awesome!
The weather here is hot, around 35-40 ish at the
moment and high 20’s/ nearly 30 at night, we have
had a little rain, but several lightning storms &
thunder! The other night for about 3 hours we had a
sand storm, dust everywhere, no hiding from it! My
throat is still sore from breathing it in; it took 3 hours
the next morning just to clear out the dust from my
bed space & kit.
We have artillery here as well; they had a fire mission
the other night, but didn’t tell us! It was like a scene
out of Dads Army when the guns went off! Proper
rounds, not like those blanks they fire in Hyde Park
for the Queens Birthday, all that was missing was
LCpl Jones shouting “don’t panic” as soldiers ran
around in helmets and underwear wondering where
the attack was coming from. Bloody loud the guns
were too, I had to put my ear plugs in to carry on
reading my book. They have done it a couple of
times again, but we are getting wise to them now.
You can always tell a gunner, because they shout at
each other, I always try to talk quietly to them; I find it
winds them up! Eh pardon?
Oh lord, the pay statements turned up today, half of
the day was spent explaining to 19 year olds why
they have to pay tax & Ni and yes we all do and yes
the more you earn the more tax & Ni you pay. Along
with various other questions, both silly and serious,
it’s difficult not to take the micky or be sarcastic
(those who mow me well, will understand how hard
that is), please refer back to earlier comment re: guns
& hand grenades!
We have a facility here (note singular), which is the
gym, I know we have one, as I walk past it most
days, well it’s a tent with a bit of equipment in it and a
few large sweaty soldiers, pumping it up and showing
off their tattoos to each other, I’m working on the “thin
is better” routine, as Ann says “ I like you, like my
coffee, weak & white”, anyway I’m thinking, why
would I want to make myself a bigger target? Not that
I don’t like exercise, I have tried it once.
Did I mention the bogs? There’s nothing like ending
the day by gazing at the sky full of stars as the smoke
from the burning poo pit wafts by, almost romantic.
Burnt Bar B Q will never be a problem again.
So there you have my day in a nut shell, I have
attempted to introduce humour, by sticking up
notices on my notice board (a good place to stick
them I find), the 1st one is a “put you name down for
a minibus trip to the cinema”, No. 2 is “Mongoose
One Zero” the Film, (that’s our callsign). The idea is
that you think of someone famous to play yourself
or another here, in a film production, I put down Lee
Evans as our 2i/c and Wayne Rooney as our RMP
(he is a spitting image and the OC now calls him
Wayne at the meetings), and lastly an auditions list
for Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs.
We had a quiz night on Sunday, several rounds
of general knowledge and 1 of sport, my team did
quite well and I think me & Wayne got most of the
answers for us, even though the OC said “Wales” as
an answer to each question. We would have won if
Wales had been the answer to a couple of questions,
but we came 2nd by 2 points and our prize was a
crate of local fizzy orange cans. No alcohol, as it’s a
dry war, well it’s a Muslim country with loads of Yanks
here, you wouldn’t want to mix Yanks, guns & beer!
They would think they were at home.
Anyway, that about covers it, all you lot that are on
computers with unlimited internet, please send us
a line or speak to Ann and find out how the e-bluey
system works and don’t forget to support the troops
by sending stuff, it’s free to post up to 2 kgs and if
it’s over, put it in 2 boxes and remember, the boxes
always get squashed!
That’s enough of my ramblings for now, catch you
later!
Tomsk
