Afghan Rumblings 3, from near the Front, 27 May ‘10
Hello from Patrol Base Shahzad, Nad e Ali, again, and more inane rumblings from me, in the Green Zone.
Well we are already into the R&R period now and I’m due out at the end of the month (May), which means when I return to Shahzad, I’ll be half way through with at least 3 months to go, but on my 1st day back, I’ll be in Bastion and its England’s world cup game against the USA. The NAAFI (No Ambition and F*** all Interest), will be packed and not only that, there’s loads of US Marines based there as well. If anything, we will show them how to support a football team! I think the atmosphere will be as good as being there, as long as we don’t lose!
And after 2 months of being here, I at last made it out of the compound! (“OTG” – on the ground).There were several admin issues that required me to travel around to some of our outlying Patrol Bases. I was touched by the effort put into getting me around, it involved 2 x Mastiffs, which are the armoured personnel carrying trucks with about half a dozen blokes. I was sent off with the Sgt Major shouting at the Mastiff Commander, “Make sure you bring the clerk back in one piece”! In the Mastiff you are strapped in and everything else is strapped down, which is just aswell as the roads are just dust & dirt tracks and you get bounced around inside. Then after 10-20 minutes of bouncing (lord, my arse was numb), it pulls up and I get a shout of “oi, clerk, you can get out now” to find myself next to a PB. Of course I end wandering around lost, trying to find the way in, as I’ve never been there before, I then noticed the top gunner on my Mastiff casually pointing at a hole in a wall, which turned out to be the entrance. When I get in, I am greeted with a chorus of “what the **** are you doing here?” Well, at least they recognised me.
It does bring you back down to earth to see how these guys have to live every day; they really do get the rough end of the stick. I thought Shahzad was basic, but the PB’s take it further and they get shot at and RPG’g. At least in true “Brit Mil” style, they keep their sense of humour. They also found it funny, when I was on a roof, moving to a Sanger, I put my foot through the ceiling and my whole left leg went straight through! It only could happen to me! The chap on stag in the Sanger came and pulled me out, he didn’t laugh much!
It took hours to get around the different PB’s and I had to do it again later to catch the people I missed on the 1st run, which gave me loads of time whilst bouncing, to come out with the classics; “are we there yet”? “Can we stop for ice cream”? “Did everyone go to the toilet first”?
In the vein of strange, I have been issued with hand warmers; it’s a small tin with a charcoal stick that you light ,it heats up and then can be kept somewhere to keep bits warm, brilliant in winter on Salisbury Plain!(been there, done that). But it’s around 40+ degrees C here during the day, but then drops down to 27-29 at night, so it’s hotter here at night time than it is during the day back home; my body has now learnt to sweat from parts that have never sweated before. At night I wake up and my pillow is wet, so I have to turn it around or over, to find a dry bit and then go back to sleep, this process is repeated during the night until I run out of dry pillow or morning arrives.
Oh so close! So many times, I’ve missed a video/photo opportunity, action shots etc, because I didn’t have my camera to hand. The other day, whilst on top Sanger stag, the gun line got a fire mission, so there I am, in perfect view and with my camera, yea! I thought at last, right place, right time, with camera. The gunners ran out to their guns with the usual shouting (see rumblings, No.1), turned them into the correct direction, adjusted elevation, opened up the ammo supply and then...... nothing. My camera was is in position, balancing on 2 packs of mini flares and a Viper night sight so it would line up without the need for me to hold it, but still no more action. I now have loads of video of gunners sitting down in a bit of shade, waiting and shouting at each other. So half an hour later, my stag finished and I came down from the roof, to find out that an Apache Helicopter had been called in on the target and had done the “business”. Bugger! Then, of course if you have been on facebook, you may have seen my exciting video of the Chinook resupply, well what you get is orange smoke, trees and 2 seconds of Chinook, before my camera stopped working! I have a better version, taken by Richie, but it doesn’t seem to load on to facebook, so perhaps you’ll have to wait until the end of tour and Turton’s War Video, “Terry Taliban and my part in his downfall”! Comes out, place your pre orders on line now!
Mind you, I’m back on the crappy 0200-0400 night stag again, whilst I was out for the day the 1st time, the rota was changed and I ended up back where I started, but now we patrol around in pairs, so the time goes a bit quicker.
OTG2, Jobs outside the wire are coming in like buses, nothing for ages, then 2 in quick succession. There I was cooking franks, beans & mash, (we have a limited menu, 2 choices, take it or leave it), when a Cpl from the Mastiff Group asks me “are you QRF”? For those who don’t know, that’s the Quick Reaction Force, which is made up of all the soldiers that are “floating around” i.e. me! (It’s also about the only time some soldiers fall into a “quick” category), anyway, scrub the cooking, on with kit and into the Mastiff for 3 hours more bouncing around, but we did get out at one point to escort one of our guys, who was taking “special” photos. It’s the first time I’ve ever been out with a “made ready” rifle and hand grenades, so that’s me done, a tick in a box of things to do, can I go home now? When we got back, I found that Ash & Harks had saved me a portion of dinner after they had taken over the cooking and they’d done the washing up!
Difficult questions of the week; as I was making a brew, I reached for the carton of long life milk and was asked, “Where did the milk come from”? I answered, “Cows”. Then there was also the time when we had made chips with a crinkle cutter and was asked, “Where did the crinkle chips come from”? “Potatoes”! I said, I think there is a pattern forming here, I was asked this at least 3 times. (Please refer to “quick” in previous paragraph).
There’s the thing with the Forces, no one seems to go by their given name, Richie, Ash & Harks are nicknames derived from Surnames, most of the time I am “Terts”, but a lot know me as “Clerk”, because of my job. That could be my ‘70’s Porn Star “name”, “Clerk Terts”. Now I need to grow a bushy moustache.
Things move and change fast here, as I’m typing away, the gunline start shooting, so I grabbed my camera and managed to film a couple of 105mm rounds going on a high velocity visit to “Terry” . Ye ha, get some! “If they run, they are Taliban. If they stand still, they are well disciplined Taliban”. The other day we got to watch on our surveillance camera as a 500lb bomb was dropped on a Taliban compound. They got 2 maybe 3, but it was difficult to match up the body parts apparently.
And this week’s war wound of choice is... shot in the arse. We have had 2 cases, 1 ANP & 1 soldier (from another area), which reminds me of Forrest Gump; “I was wounded in the butt-tucks, sir”. That’s made me worry, as we have a ping pong table here and a charity fund raising “fun run” coming up, I think we could be turning in to the film, shrimp fishing anyone?
Speaking of the “fun run”, that’s a phrase I’ve never got my head around, running & fun? Anyway, please look at the website WWW.justgiving.com/desertdashlions and support the boys here, go on, do it, you know you want to!
I‘ve just had the confirmation of my flight to Bastion on Thursday come through and hopefully I’ll be on a flight home on Saturday, so it will a month or so until my next Afghan rumblings, the Ops room are having a sweepstake on if I come back! I told them that AWOL doesn’t apply to TA soldiers. I’m the clerk, anything admin, they believe me.
Here we are, my departure day at Shahzad and what a long day! First, in the office all day, O group in the evening, then waiting for the other R&R guys to arrive from the checkpoints, pack bags, hand in kit, departure briefing, stag from 2 to 4 and flight to Bastion at 0500 hours. So loads of us hanging around the HLS at 5 in the morning, about 18 departing and the same again to unload the helicopter, we then are told, flight delayed to 0700, so we waited, flight delayed again to 0840, we waited, at 0840, flight will be arriving in 5 minutes, (mild excitement) 50 minutes later, no flight and still delayed, 1030, flight will be arriving in 5 minutes, (total lack of excitement). But it arrived! Half an hour later, we were dropped off in Bastion. Don’t you just love Crab Air! So here I am in Bastion and its having a bit of a sand storm, but I don’t care, I have had a fantastic shower and a big salad lunch, the first one in 2 months,(salad not shower), the tent I’m in has air con and I’m 36 hours from home.
Laters,
Tomsk
